Last week I ran into a good friend whom I hadn’t seen for almost a month. The last time I had seen her she was beaming about her new boyfriend and how much she really liked him. Once our greetings were over I asked how her boyfriend was doing and instantly her facial expression changed.
I immediately recognized that something had occurred and waited for the tears to begin flowing. To insure that she didn’t fall apart in front of everyone there, I asked if she had time to go to Starbucks with me. She agreed and after receiving our drinks we settled down on a comfortable couch and she without any prodding on my behalf explained that the relationship had unraveled.
According to her things had been going great for the first few months and then she had noticed a change. A slight change at first and then he became distant and it had become noticeable. She then went on to inform me that one day (while on the phone) she simply asked him if everything was OK between them and after a brief pause, (which she said made her heart skip a beat). He informed her that he felt that they just were not compatible.
She told me that day, that he went on to tell her that there were things that she did that he simply didn’t like. She said she inquired as to what things and she said that he rambled on about the way she acted with her friends and other none sense. When she asked why he had never brought this to her attention, he told her the following; “Because I think that you would have changed and it’s not fair that you change your personality just for me.”
She was very hurt by this and to add insult to injury, he gave her the standard line about wanting to remain friends and how if she didn’t mind he’d still like to hang out with some of her friends whom he’d grown to like. She told me that she was uncomfortable with the idea of remaining friends with him because as she put it, “He sure thought we were compatible while we were in bed together.”
During this conversation I was there solely to lend emotional support to a friend whom had been hurt. I kept my opinions and feelings to myself, because what she really needed was someone to listen to her so that she could get all of this frustration and anger off of her chest. I obliged her and listened to every single word. In the end we left Starbucks laughing as I had slowly moved the conversation into a different more positive direction, one about mutual friends and associates. However, I left her with this message “Some men simply do not know what they have, until later they discover it was what they had, and it’s too late to get it back.”
Driving away from the mall that day I thought about my friend and I thought about all of you and the heart breaks many of you may have suffered. I also thought about the callous way her boyfriend ended the relationship (over the phone) and the lame excuse he used to do it. I then thought about all of the excuses men utilize to break up with women, and believe me, they’re all excuses (or rather lies) because they don’t possess the intestinal fortitude to tell you the truth. So for this reason I give you, 10 Excuses men use to break up with you, and what they really mean.
10) I really need to focus on my future so being in a relationship is just not good for me right now.
Real meaning: I want out of this relationship because I am bored with you or I already have a new girlfriend in mind.
9) I am leaving for _(fill in the blank)__ in a few months and its best we end the relationship now so that you are not hurt when I am gone.
Real meaning: Before I get out of here I want to chase as many women (your friends included) as possible and I don’t want to have to argue with you about what I do before I depart. (If I actually leave because I really may not leave and if this is the case I just want to chase women without having to feel guilty)
8 ) I cannot get my ex-girlfriend out of my head. I am still in love with her and its unfair to you for us be together when I am thinking about her.
Real meaning: I didn’t care about her when I was with her, but if this excuse allows me to get out of being with you too, especially since I’ve already slept with you it’s cool.
7) You’re simply too good for me, you deserve someone better.
Real meaning: You won’t sleep with me and I am tired of wasting my time trying anymore. I also know that you’re not about to put up with my crap and I am not about to change so lets end this now so I can do everything I want without worry of reprisal. (Many times guys in this situation will hope that by breaking up with you, you’ll do anything to keep them, especially sleep with them for the first time. Then they’ll leave you anyway.)
6) I cheated on you and you deserve better so I need to end this now. I was drunk and slept with someone else.
Real meaning: I have had my eye on someone else for quit some time now and finally I am getting closer. Her only sticking point is that I have a girlfriend, so if I get rid of you fast I can get with her. Nothing will make you drop me faster that admitting I cheated on you, at least I hope so anyway.
5) You cheated on me, so I am dumping you. I cannot be with you because every time I look at you I think about you being with him. (This really works on women if they drink and party a lot)
Real meaning: Sexually you have nothing else to offer and I’m not interested in being with a lush, so although this incident didn’t really happen, you’ll never know because you were passed out drunk and can’t remember anyway. By using this excuse you’ll blame yourself and I’ll be home free for my next conquest.
4) We’re not compatible so I think it’s better for us both to break up and move on. I still want to be friends though.
Real meaning: I was never really in to you. However, you filled my sexual void and now that I have my confidence back I am out of here.
3) You’re smothering me. I need my space to breath, so its best that we end this.
Real meaning: You have nothing more to offer me. It wasn’t smothering when I was at your place everyday begging you to sleep with me. Now that I have accomplished my objective, I am on to my next victim.
2) You’re too busy for me. I don’t want to get in the way of your career, so lets end it now before you get hurt.
Real meaning: The time you do have free for him interferes with the things he wants to do which is probably something you’d disapprove of. Also, if there is any truth to you being busy, he probably already has your replacement primed to go.
1) Nothing! (He lets you make up the excuse)
Real meaning: He simply stops taking your calls. He stops calling you and by chance if you do reach him he informs you he is busy. He swears he will call you back but you know he won’t. In the end, you realize that it’s over and you think of all the reasons why it died on your own. However, in reality he probably found someone else and didn’t have the guts to tell you. So by simply ignoring you he knew eventually you’d let go and both of you could move on. Especially him!
These are simply a few excuses men utilize to break up with women they once stated they loved. I am sure you’ve all heard them in one variation or another. If you can think of one that is not on this list, please place it in the comments section for others to read. Women can never have too much information to assist them in the relationships they have or may have in the future.