He asked you out and you accepted. Good for you. Now, before you start thinking that this is the guy and begin the wedding plans lets make sure you know some things about men and the first date. I hadn’t told you this yet (I will in a later post) but as men we pretty much know how far this relationship is going within the first 30 days. So for you to make it through the thirty day trial period you need to know somethings that you shouldn’t do if you want a long term relationship. So to help you out I’ve jotted down the “Fifteen things women shouldn’t do on a first date.” Lets get started, OK?
Item #1-I’ve said this before, but just in case you missed it, do not allow your first date to be a dinner date, movie date or any date that happens after dark. Think safety ladies. Also, you want to control the situation. the last thing you want is to have some guy that you’ve just found out is not compatible with you walking you to your door at the end of the evening and expecting a kiss or more because he paid for dinner. Can we say awkward?
When I say control the situation I mean this: You decide where you’d like to go, what time of the day and for how long. That’s called control. My favorite and best suggestion is the lunch date. Lunch is great. Why? It lasts at a maximum of one hour, can be shortened if the dates a bust (gotta get back to work I forgot to do something) and it’s daylight, with many people around for safety purposes. It also puts the pressure on the man, he has one shot, a one hour time frame to impress you or tomorrow you’re having lunch with someone else. When the lunch date is over you can go back to work. How many of you have had lunch with some guy and after wards he walked you back to your office expecting a good afternoon kiss, or more? Eliminate that situation all together by going to lunch on your first date. Also, is it anyone else but me or do people look a little better when it’s dark? Get him into the light so you can really see him.
Item #2: No short skirts, tight pants, low cut blouses, shorts or anything that sends a signal other than the one you really want to send. That signal and only that signal should be sent. It should be, this is a lunch engagement, I do not want to sleep with you, I am merely here for the purpose of determining if you’re are actually worth my time. As a woman, you want to be dressed as conservative as possible. In case you didn’t know, your mother was right. “If you dress like a Ho, you’ll be treated like one.” Men base the direction of their conversation on the way you appear to him physically. If you look professional and lady like, that’s how he’s going to treat you and talk to you. Why? Because your looks have now told him several things, one being that you are a woman that he can visualize as a wife, a future mother, a partner and friend. You carry yourself well and he’ll be happy to sit there with you and since you once again took sex out of the equation, listen to every word you say (which shouldn’t be much). Dress in a short skirt and his thought process immediately goes into the toilet, he spends the majority of the lunch fantasizing about how many different sexual positions he’d like to put you in. Your conversation will be typically about night clubs and drinking because secretly he’s already plotting your next date. The night date, so because of the signals you sent he thinks the sex is not only achievable but immanent if he can get you out at night with a few drinks. Is that what you want? I don’t really want to harp on this dress and appearance thing too long but before I move on I have one last thing to say about it. For a real man the most embarrassing thing is to meet a nice woman in a good environment and ask her out. She shows up for the planned event and she’s wearing something that attracts way too much attention, from the waiter, to the doorman, the server, the valet guys, the manager and even other women. For a real man, you couldn’t be taken serious as a potential mate. Your appearance sends a signal that you desperately need attention and you do not care who gives it to you. I had many dates like that and I couldn’t wait to end it before the thought of me sticking a fork in my heart overwhelmed me. So remember dress is important in the way we treat you. Do it right, OK?
Item #3: Do not talk about you ex on this date or any date. Do not talk too much about what you like or do not like to do. In other words, make him talk about himself and don’t help determine who he is based on what you like or dislike in a man. Treat this date as if you were interviewing him for a position within your company, Ala, Your Life, Inc. Before the date, sit down with a piece of paper and right down what it is you want to accomplish with this man. What do you know about this man? What do you want to know? What you do not know is what can sink this thing before it starts to sail and you want to identify it before you leave the harbor, so make a list of the unknowns. Then formulate questions based on this. Refer to my last post (How to tell if your man is Lying) and arm yourself with enough information to attempt to determine if he’s telling you the truth or not. If you are not sure at the end of the lunch date, go over all of the data you collected and try it again on another lunch date with him. That little voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you something is wrong is almost always right. Listen to it! That voice is there for a reason, to protect you and in this case your heart.
Item #4: Do not be late! Do not be late! Do not be late! There I said it again. Don’t feed into the stereotype that women are always late for dates. To be late is a sign of disrespect. From a mans prospective if you don’t value my time then you don’t value my feelings or the relationship as a whole. I know that things come up and some things cannot be helped. Just don’t make it a habit and when they do come up, call the person and let them know you’ll be running a little late. He’ll respect you for it and he’ll be appreciative. You also just sent him a message that you are mature and responsible and that you indeed are interested in meeting with him.
Item #5: Do not drink on the first date. Since it’s lunch, I don’t expect you to drink anyway. Even if you do not have to go back to work when the date is over, you should not drink. When people drink their inhibitions slightly go away, and depending on how much you drink they could go away entirely. During this time you could say or do something that could severely damage the image you were trying to project. The first would be that most men I know are not really comfortable with a woman whom drinks in the day time anyway, if at all. Those little jokes about drinking you under a table. They are really not funny, just thought you may want to know that. If you do drink on a first date, keep it simple, a glass of wine should suffice if the date is in the evening. Do not go on and on about how much you used to drink in College, it’s a turn off, or a signal for your date to attempt to get you drunk and have his way with you. So please stay away from that subject. Also, do you really want to be with a man who has several drinks while you’re trying to get to know him? Most people will say well he was nervous because he wanted so badly to make a good impression he needed a drink to loosen up. Right! What I see is this, any man whom needs a drink to talk to or have lunch or dinner with a beautiful woman whom is allowing him the opportunity to get to know her has issues. If he needs intestinal fortitude in this situation he has no confidence. Drinking to get that confidence could result in unwanted advancements and embarrassment. It also, doesn’t allow you to know the real person since his personality changes when he’s drinking.
Item #6: Never let the person you’re going on a first date with pick you up at home or work. Why? Do you really know this person? In today’s society people move from State to State all the time. This person could have committed a crime in another State and you wouldn’t know it. I think it would be much safer if you saved allowing people to know where you live or work until after you really get to know them. Don’t you think that’s much better than letting a person know up front and then seeing him on the show “America’s Most Wanted”? I’m a firm believer in personal security measures and since I cannot be there to protect each and everyone of you, I’m hoping some of this rubs off through my writings.
Item #7: Do not open your own door, or pull out your chair. Chivalry is not dead! One of the best indicators of how your date perceives women is if he opens doors and pulls your chair. I know all about the women’s rights movement and all and I can appreciate what women are attempting to accomplish. However, real men love opening doors for women. It’s called being a gentleman. Isn’t that what you’re looking for? Now on the other hand, if he doesn’t open the door for you he’s probably self centered. If that’s not the case then he simply has no manners. Either way, he’s probably not worth your time. My wife hasn’t opened a door for herself in my presence since the day we met and she never will as long as I’m alive.
Item #8: Do not engage in any conversation that is inappropriate. No dirty jokes. No conversations about Religion, Politics, the war in Iraq, O.J Simpson, or anything else that could turn into a debate. Until you know the person you’re having lunch with you really need to be careful with your conversation. You don’t want to kill a second date with a guy you are starting to like because of a comment you made about something he is passionate about.
Item #9: Don’t criticize the food or service. Be polite with all the staff and please don’t go on this date to a place you chose (taking control) and then order only a salad. It’s lunch ladies. Eat something, that’s what people do at lunch time. There’s nothing worse than taking someone out to eat and they eat nothing. Only to hear their stomach growl on the way out of the restaurant. Sorry but that’s not cute. Oh, and say nothing about being on a diet. If you are, keep it to yourself. He asked you out so apparently he’s fine with the way you look, for you to say you’re dieting sends the signal that you are not happy with it your appearance. If it comes out, you’ll find yourself in a conversation about how good you look, which is flattering but it’s an opening to take a closer look at your body parts. Don’t go there.
Item #10: Do not accept any complement about anything lower than your neck. “You have nice legs.” May sound good, may be flattering, but he hasn’t earned the right to compliment you on them. He should have said something to the effect that you have a really pretty smile, or eyes. He should be concentrating on that area and nothing else. If you don’t correct him when he makes an inappropriate comment, he’ll continue because by your not correcting him is the same as condoning it. If that happens, either realign his attention by correcting his behavior or end the date before it goes any further. You’ll be happy you did.
Item #11: Talk on your cell phone.There nothing more aggravating than to be in the middle of a conversation with someone you’re trying to get to know, only to be interrupted by a cell phone or a text message. Since you accepted the invitation to the date be attentive. Turn your phone off (unless you’re expecting a emergency call), you can let your girlfriends know all about the date later. Stay focused on the person sitting in front of you.
Item #12: Respond to any unsolicited attention. Women attract attention, that’s just a fact that all men accept. I can tell you to dress like a nun for this date and because you guys are so damn beautiful (and I mean all of you) someone else is bound to notice and will either a) pass a compliment or b) attempt to flirt with you. While on your date you should respond to neither of these. You’re out with a new guy on your first date, do not allow someone else to determine the outcome. If some other man attempts this I feel it’s disrespectful to the man you’re with, however since he is unsure of how you feel about it, then it’s up to you to set it straight. When your new friend is more comfortable with the position you select for him, he will be more than happy to correct this situation in the future.
Item #13: Planning the second date. If the date goes well and you think there’s a good chance you’d like to go out with him again don’t commit to it on the spot. Tell him to let you think about it. If you say yes, you come off as too easy and he knows you like him. If you say no, it should be because you know he’s not what you’re looking for. If this is the case, let him know this but be nice about it. By telling him you’d like to think about it, it sends a signal that although the date was OK, it wasn’t great. When you do let him know you’d like to do it again he’ll try harder to please you. This is not an attempt to play games with anyone, it’s just that you are a woman and to get the very best out of men you need to make them earn everything they get from you. To be able to take you out on a date, or to even talk to you should be considered a privilege.
Item #14: Bring a friend along. I know there is safety in numbers however, you accepted this date and I’m sure he only wants to be with you. It’s hard to concentrate on the person you’re with if you also are having conversations with a person you brought along. Also, the conversations tend to make the date feel like he’s a third wheel because you two will probably talk about things and people he has no knowledge of. I once went on a date with a girl and she brought along a friend, the friend kept bringing up all these other guys in the conversation. After awhile I pretty much got tired of it so I excused myself, tracked down the waitress, paid the bill (with a tip) and went home. She called several times but I already knew she wasn’t mature enough for serous relationship so I never talked to her again.
Item #15: Do not select or agree to a location that your friends frequent or work. It’s really annoying as a man to be trying to connect with a woman I’m really interested in only to be interrupted time and time again by employees and customers whom know her. Also you run the chance of one of them ruining it for you, if they stop by and say the wrong thing. You haven’t told him everything about you because it’s not time, but if the waiter comes up and says, “Hey, where’s John?” That pretty much kills the mood and the date. Now I know that you’ve been here before with someone named John and you’ll have to explain something that is really none of my business at this point. So select a place where no one really knows you.
So there’s fifteen things that you shouldn’t do on your first date and I hope I explained why in each of them. Dating can be fun and adventurous. Sometimes you lose and you just want to hide somewhere, but occasionally you win big and you meet someone who may or may not become your soul mate. All in all though it keeps you from being alone until that special man arrives and the practice you can get from it is priceless. Happy hunting.